musings

I can't believe I have been in this country 51 days and at UCD 37. So much time has passed already, it kind of makes the neurotic side of me go "Whoa!! What have I been doing? I need to get out, do things, experience, etc, etc while there's still time!" But the other side of me is content to just sort of be. Be here, and let that mean whatever it means in the end. Maybe I leave this country not having seen EVERYTHING there is to see. Although part of me screams about the money that it took to get here, and is taking every day to stay here, and that I need to see every freaking thing to make it worthwhile, that other part of me is happy in a way that I'm not.

Before I got here, I thought my study abroad adventure would involve making the best friends of my life, going here there and everywhere as much as possible, and generally just doing things constantly. However, the actual experience is much more... sedate (is that the right word? I'm not sure). And while I have made awesome friends and had some awesome times (which I'm sure will continue to be awesome), I think the most important thing this trip has given me is the chance to get to know myself.

At Millsaps, everyone knows everyone and people are in many ways defined by what they do. Hi, I'm Kathleen and I work for the P&W, I'm an LXA sweetheart and a KD, I do Wellspring and CMT and am in such-and-such honoraries. There, now you know who I am. But not really. I think I got so caught up in the things I was going to do as a senior - the things that would define me and make me worthy. But being here, on a campus where I can go an entire day and not see a single person I know, has let me lose all those things that formed my identity in Jackson and re-learn the things that I truly want to define me.

Hi, I'm Kathleen, and I like to read. Particularly modern-era poetry/fiction and fantasy and mystery stories, but really I'll take a shot at almost anything. I'm a bad cook who wishes to be a good one. I appreciate architecture despite knowing nothing about it. I like to look out the window while in cars, buses, trains. I am a scaredy-cat. I really like that I am Irish and that the O'Rourkes have such a strong family bond. I like to make things with my hands (like books) and draw silly doodles, but I don't consider myself an artist. I love a boy named Brian. I have a great family who is always there for me. I also have a great KD family who never fails to make me laugh. I am a huge nerd who likes things like dino hats and Harry Potter jokes. I think like my dad but feel like my mom. I want to be a better writer than I am. I want to be a deeper person than I am.

Nice to meet me.